The Misadventures of Percy's Diary!
by Demigoth C. Emo
Summary: What if "The Lightning Thief" is actually Percy's journal? Well, you're about to find out! What happens when the gods get Percy's diaries? How would Percy feel? R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**The Misadventures of Percy's Diary**

"Hey look! I found something in one of Percy's stuff!"Dionsyus announced.

All the gods and goddesses gathered around. Dionsyus picked up a note and read:

_To everyone,_

_Mom decided to invite me to England. So I might not come to Camp Halfblood this week. Whatever you, DO NOT open these books._

_Percy_

"Well, who should go first?"Hermes asked.

"Whoa, can you read? Percy said to NOT open these books."Poseidon warned.

"Come on, brother. It's easy. Percy will come back in a few weeks. In those days, we can finally know the whole story of Percy. Then, he won't know."Hermes said. Zeus nodded.

"I say we give it a try."Zeus commented. Poseidon grabbed the book.

**"The Lightning Thief."**

"What kind of kid would make a title for his diary?"Hermes asked. "We haven't even started yet and you already commented?"Zeus asked sarcastically. Hermes just kept quiet.

**"Chapter 1: I Accidentaly Vaporized My Math Teacher"**

"Whoa."was all Athena could say.

**Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood. If your reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.**

Poseidon frowned at this.

**Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.**

"True..."all of the gods and goddessess said.

**If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this never happened.**

**But if you recognize yourself in these pages - if you feel something stirring inside - stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before **_**they **_**sense it to, and they'll come for you.**

"Alright, goodbye!"Dionsyus exclaimed, leaving.

"Where are you going?"Artemis asked.

"Well, I'm going. Percy said to stop reading and I'm going to throw all my books away."Dionsyus said. His reward was a smack from Artemis.

**Don't say I didn't warn you.**

"You didn't warn us."Apollo said. Artemis gave him a "Stop-now-or-I'll-make-you" glance. Apollo groaned.

"Boys..."Artemis mumbled.

**My name is Percy Jackson.**

"Isn't it obvious?"Ares asked.

"Ares can read? This is the worst day of my life!"Dionsyus exclaimed. Artemis smacked him again. Dionsyus winced in pain.

**I'm twelve years old.**

"I think he wrote this four years ago."Athena said.

**Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy,****a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.**

**Am I a troubled kid?**

"Well, you are."Apollo responded. Artemis elbowed him.

"Why did I have a twin like this...?"Artemis muttered to herself. Everyone (except for Apollo) heard her and agreed for some reason.

**Yeah. You could say that.**

Artemis was shocked. Apollo smiled. It looks like he took his revenge.

**I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started to go bad last May, when our sixth-grade class took a field trip to Manhattan - twenty-eight mental-case kids and two teacher on a yellow school bus, heading to the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.**

_I better give him a quiz. _Athena thought.

"Sounds like torture."Poseidon said.

**I know - it sounds like torture.**

"Like father, like son."Athena said. Poseidon blushed.

**Most Yancy field trips were.**

"Poor kid..."Hera mumbled.

******But Mr. Brunner, our Latin teacher, was leading this trip, so I had hopes. Mr. Brunner was this middle-aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee.**

"Hey Chiron! Get here!"Athena exclaimed.

Chiron arrived.

"Come on, you're here."Artemis said. Chiron read the paragraph and smiled. But frowned a bit because Percy said that he smelled like coffee.

**You wouldn't think he'd be cool, but he told stories and jokes and let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armour and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.**

Chiron smiled. At least Percy liked his class.

**I hoped the trip would be okay. At least, I hoped that for once I wouldn't get in trouble.**

**Boy was I wrong.**

"Okay, I'm outta here."Ares said.

"NO!"The rest exclaimed. Ares sat down and grumbled to himself.

**See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolution War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway.**

"Percy Jackson: Bad luck at fieldtrips. Don't even think about bringing him."Hermes said. That earned a glance from Poseidon. Hermes whistled.

**And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim.**

Poseidon sighed. At least Percy can breathe underwater.

**And before that... Well, you get the idea.**

"Does this guy learn how to use an eraser?"Apollo asked.

"Did you even notice this kid is using a ballpen?"Artemis asked back. "Well, he should have a pencil next time."Apollo said. Artemis pushed him.

**This trip I was determined to be good.**

"Good luck."Hades mumbled.

**All the way into the city, I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly red-headed kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover, in the back of the head with chunks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.**

This time, all of Mount Olympus had gross looks.

"This is gross!"Apollo exclaimed. For once, Artemis had to agree wtih him.

**Grover was an easy target. He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated. He must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of that he was had a note excusing him from PE the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't let that fool you. You should've seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.**

"So this how Grover acts..."Dionsyus mumbled. Next time, he would call for Grover to his office.

**Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her because I was already on probation. The headmaster had threatened me with death...**

_Oh no, please don't kill my son. _Poseidon thought. Shivers ran down through his spine.

**death-buy-in-school-suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.**

_Not so bad..._Poseidon thought and the shivers stopped.

******"I'm going to kill her," I mumbled.**

"Then do it!"Ares exclaimed. Everyone looked at Ares.

Ares just looked around, as if he doesn't know where he is.

**Grover tried to calm me down. "It's okay. I like peanut butter."**

"I thought Grover has an allergy to it."Athena said.

"This kid needs lying lessons."Dionysius said. THe rest had to agree.

** He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch. "That's it." I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.**

**"You're already on probation," he reminded me. "you know who'll get blamed if anything happens." Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there. In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.**

"He should have just killed her."Hades mumbled.

**He gathered us around a four-meter-tall stone column with a big sphinx on top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a __****stele****, for a girl about our age. He told us about the carvings on the side. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everybody around me was talking, and every time I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.**

"Oh look what we have here, the mother of Nancy Bobofit."Apollo said sarcastically. Artemis face-palmed.

**Mrs. Dodds was this little maths teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to ride a Harley right into your locker.**

"Wow...worse than Kronos."Zeus said. The rest shuddered.

**She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math's teacher had a nervous breakdown.**

"And all because of Percy."Ares said. Poseidon attacked him with his water powers. Ares dodged.

**From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn. She would point her crooked finger at me and say, "Now, honey," real sweet, and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month. One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old maths workbooks until midnight, I told Grover I didn't think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me real serious and said, "You're absolutely right."**

"Wow, did this guy comes from opposite town?"Athena asked. Only Artemis agreed.

**Mr. Brunner kept talking about Greek funeral art. Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the __****stele****, and I turned around and said, "Will you **_**shut up?" **_**It come out louder than I ment it to.**

**The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.**

**"Mr. Jackson,' he said, "did you have a comment?"**

**My face was totally red. I said, "No, sir." **

**Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the **_**stele**_**.**

**"Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?"**

**I looked at the carvings, and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it. "That's Kronos eating his kids, right?"**

All the kids of Kronos shuddered.

"This kid is killing me!"Hermes exclaimed. Then, they all turned to Chiron.

"Mrs. Dodds was watching me!"Then, he shuddered.

**"Yes," Mr. Brunner said, obviously not satisfied. 'And he did this because..."**

**"Well...," I racked my brain to remember. "Kronos was the king god, and -"**

"Did he say god?!"Zeus brought out a lightning bolt. The rest held him down.

**"God?" Mr. Brunner asked.**

**"Titan," I corrected myself. "And... he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus, and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead."**

"That's because you looked like a rock!"Then, Poseidon did a high-five with Hermes. Zeus groaned.

**"-And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters -"**

**"Eww!" said one of the girls behind me.**

"I would like to see her inside Kronos' stomach! It was like cramp!"Ares exclaimed.

**"-and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans," I continued, "and the gods won."**

"But unfortunately, we had the worst childhood."Hermes complained.

**Some snickers from the group.**

**Behind me Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, **_**"Please explain why Kronos ate his kids"**_

**"And why, Mr. Jackson," Brunner said, "to paraphrase Miss. Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?"**

Before everyone could glance at him, Chiron exclaimed, "Mrs. Dodds's fault!"

"Busted."Ares and Apollo said.

******"Busted," Grover muttered.**

"I think you two are siblings."Artemis commented.

"So not!"

"So too!"

"So not!"

"So too!"

"So not!"

"So too!"

"So not!"

"So too!"

"So not!"

"So too!"

"So not!"

"So too!"

"Can we continue?!"Hera exclaimed. The twins remained silent.

**"Shut up," Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair. At least Nancy got in trouble, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who ever caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.**

"Take that Bobofit!"Ares exclaimed with pride.

**I thought about his question, and shrugged. "I don't know, sir."**

**"I see."Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. "Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?"**

Chiron took a step backward.

**The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.**

"All guys are doofuses."Artemis said.

The goddessess agreed.

**Grover and I were about to follow when Mr. Brunner said, "Mr. Jackson."**

**I knew that was coming. I told Grover to keep going. then I turned towards Mr. Brunner. "Sir?"**

**Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go - intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything.**

**"You must learn the answer to my question," Mr. Brunner told me.**

**"About the Titans?"**

**"About real life. And how your studies apply to it."**

**"Oh."**

**"What you learn from me," he said, "is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson."**

**I wanted to get angry, this guy pushed me so hard.**

"Not that much!"Chiron exclaimed. But the rest agreed with Percy.

**I mean, sure, it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armour and shouted: "What ho!" and challenged us, sword-point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who had ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped.**

"So this might be the reason why Percy doesn't fall asleep in Chiron's class."

Poseidon owes Chiron big time.

**But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I have never made above a C- in my life. No - he didn't expect me to be __****as good:**** he expected me to be **_**better**_**. And I just couldn't learn all those name and facts, much less spell them correctly.**

"But wasn't Percy's highest grade in Science was B-?"Athena asked.

"Maybe it didn't happen yet."Hestia said.

**I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr. Brunner took one long sad look at the __****stele****, like he'd been at this girl's funeral.**

"I wasn't! I swear!"Chiron exclaimed.

**He told me to go outside and eat my lunch. The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue. Overhead, a huge storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city.**

All glanced at Zeus.

"What?"Zeus asked.

**I figured maybe it was global warming or something, because the weather all across New York State has been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snowstorms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in****.**

"We've got to stop fighting..."Poseidon mumbled.

**Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables cracker.**

**Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and, of course, Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing. Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from **_**that**_** school - the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere**.

Ares secretly agreed. The rest frowned.

**"Detention?" Grover asked.**

**"Nah," I said. "Not from Mr. Brunner. I just wish he'd lay off me sometime. I mean - I'm not a genius."**

**Grover didn't say anything for awhile. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, "Can I have your apple?"**

The rest face-palmed.

"That wasn't helping."Athena mumbled.

**I didn't have much of an appetite. so I let him take it. I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue, and tought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from were we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas.**

**I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head home.**

**She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to be kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.**

Poseidon smiled...but frowned. Aphrodite just made a beat.

"Quit it!"Artemis exclaimed. Aphrodite just looked down.

**Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized café table.**

**I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends - I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists - and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.**

******"Oops."She grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos.**

"So sweet."Aphrodite said. THe rest stared at her as if she really needs to go to a mental hospital.

**I tried to stay cool. The school counsellor had told me a million times, 'Count to ten, get control of your temper.' But I was so mas my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears. I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, 'Percy pushed me!'**

**Mrs. Dodds materialized next to us.**

**Some of the kids were whispering:**

**'Did you see ****- the water -**** like it grabbed her -"**

"POSEIDON! YOU BROKE THE OATH!"Zeus and Hades exclaimed.

"That was a long time ago!"Poseidon exclaimed.

**I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again. As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc., etc., Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester. "Now, honey -"**

**"I know," I grumbled. "A month of erasing workbooks."**

"Moral of the story: Never guess your punishment. Well, good-"

"DIONYSUS!"Everybody exclaimed. Dionysus just sat down and crossed him arms.

**"****Come with me," Mrs. Dodds said.**

**"Wait!" Grover yelped. "It was me. **_**I**_** pushed her."**

**I stared at him stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.**

Now, Poseidon owes Grover bigger than Chiron.

**She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled.**

**"I don't think so, Mr. Underwood," she said.**

**"But -"**

**"You - **_**will**_** - stay - here."**

**Grover looked at me desperately.**

**"It's okay, man," I told him. "Thanks for trying."**

**"Honey," Mrs. Dodds barked at me. "**_**Now."**_

**Nancy Bobofit smirked.**

**I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.**

"When he's mad, he's twice as scary as Poseidon."Ares remarked. Poseidon gave his deluxe 'I'll-kill-you-if-its-the-last-thing-I'll-do' stare.

Ares just looked up.

** I then turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on. How'd she get there so fast?**

The only sound from the room were Poseidon's whimpers.

**The school counsellor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.**

**I wasn't so sure.**

**I went after Mrs. Dodds.**

**Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Brunner, like he wanted Mr. Brunner to notice what was going on, but Mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel**.

Then, Chiron ran out.

**I looked back up. Mrs. Dodds had disappeared again. She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.**

**_Okay,_ I thought. _She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop_.**

"Talk about harsh punishments for a girl without hygenie. I mean, honestly, how does she react at menstruation?"Aphrodite asked.

The rest didn't even dare to answer.

**But apparently that wasn't the plan.**

**I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section. Expect for us, the gallery was empty.**

**Mrs. Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods. She was making this weird noise in her troath, like growling.**

**Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs. Dodds.**

**Something about the way she looked at the freeze, as if she wanted to pulverize it...**

"Please no, please no..."Poseidon repeated.

**"You've been giving us problems, honey," she said.**

**I did the safe thing. I said, "Yes, ma'am."**

Hera smiled and clapped.

**She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. "Did you really think you would get away with it?"**

**The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil. _She's a teacher,_ I thought nervously._ it's not like she's going to hurt me._**

**I said, "I'll - I'll try harder, ma'am."**

**Thunder shook the building.**

Everyone looked at Zeus.

"I was...thundering."Zeus said. Thundering meant watering thunder plants. But they knew he was lying.

**"We are not fools, Percy Jackson," Mrs. Dodds said. "it was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."**

**I didn't know what she was talking about.**

**All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room.**

"Aw, I'm hungry."Dionysius complained.

**Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on __****Tom Sawyer ****from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.**

"This guy needs to read more..."Athena said.

**"Well?" she demanded.**

**"Ma'am, I don't..."**

**"Your time is up," she hissed. Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shrivelled hag with bat wings and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.**

"You sent a fury after my son."Then, realization hit him. "YOU SENT A FURY AFTER MY SON?!"

Water shook Hades. Everyone had to hold him down.

"Calm down, I'm sure he survived. If he didn't, Kronos will get us."Hermes said.

"A fury...after my son..."

**Then, things got even stranger. Mr. Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.**

**"What ho, Percy!" he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air.**

**Mrs. Dodds lunged at me.**

**With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear.**

Poseidon almost fainted. He can't believe that Percy wrote it.

**I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen any more. It was a sword - Mr. Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament day.**

**Mrs. Dodds spun towards me with a murderous look in her eyes.**

**My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword****.**

"Wimp."Ares said. That earned a smack from Artemis.

**She snarled, "Die, honey!"**

"I'll never be able to say the word 'honey' again."

The gods agreed. The goddesses rolled their eyes.

**And she flew straight at me. Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.**

**The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. **_**Hiss!**_

**Mrs. Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan. She exploded into yellow dust, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulphur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me**.

"He's safe! Yes!"Poseidon exclaimed.

Everything was silent.

"Overreacting."Ares said. Poseidion still gave him that stare.

**There was a ballpoint pent in my hand.**

**Mr. Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me.**

**My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.**

Apollo spewed the mushrooms out.

**Had I imagined the whole thing?**

**I went back outside.**

**It had started to rain.**

**Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, "I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt."**

"Who?"Poseidon asked.

**I said, "Who?"**

Coincidence?

**"Our __****teacher.**** Duh!"**

**I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. Kerr. I asked Nancy what she was talking about. She just rolled her eyes and turned away.**

**I asked Grover where Mrs. Dodds was**.

**He said, "Who?"**

**But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me**.

"Extra lying lessons."Dionysius mumbled.

**"Not funny, man," I told him. "This is serious."**

**Thunder boomed overhead.**

**I saw Mr. Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he never moved.**

**I went over to him.**

**He looked up, a little distracted. "Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson."**

"What if it never works?"Athena asked.

**I handed it over. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.**

**"Sir," I said, "where's Mrs. Dodds?"**

**He stared at me blankly. "Who?"**

**"The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The math teacher. You saw her turn to a fury, right?"**

**He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned.**

**"Percy, there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"**

"Who wants to read the next chapter?"Poseidon asked.

"Why are you reading my diary?"

Then, they saw Percy. He had scars, wounds and was soaked.

**TBC...**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Misadventures of Percy's Diary**

* * *

**"...there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"**

"Who wants to read the next chapter?"Poseidon asked.

"Why are you reading my diary?"

Then, they saw Percy. He had scars, wounds and was soaked.

* * *

Percy saw all the gods and goddesses with a shocked face. Then, he turned to his dad.

"Dad...?"

Poseidon ran to his son and hugged him.

"Son, what happened to you?"He asked, worried. Percy just sighed.

"Well, I passed by Nancy Bobofit and when I bumped into her, she mysteriously turned into an empousa. We ended up fighting on a rooftop and...let's just say that I lost and Nancy Bobofit left. Then, it started raining and decided to check on the cabin."Percy explained.

"But I thought you left to England with your mom."Athena said.

"That was a few weeks ago. It was okay."Percy shrugged and sat near his throne.

"And why are you reading my diaries?"

"Dionysius' fault!"Zeus exclaimed.

"Percy, we're so sorry."Poseidon confessed. The rest just did the same.

Percy sighed.

"I forgive you and I'm not mad."

This made the rest surprised.

"But I'll read the second part from here."Percy noted. Poseidon gave the diary to Percy. Percy sat on his father's giant lap.

**"Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death."**

"Hey! I'm knitting right here!"

Then, they saw Aphrodite, knitting a sock. Percy just ignored her and read on.

**I was used to the occasional weird experience, but usually they were over quickly.**

"And believe me, I had more of them when I was younger."Percy said. Hermes looked at Percy.

"Give me one time."Hermes demanded.

"Five years old. Gabe's cousin turned into an evil monster. I only killed it with a knife and then, water shot him to death."Percy said. Poseidon was amazed. Who knew his son had water powers since he was five.

******This twenty-four/seven hallucination was more than I could handle. For the rest of the school year, the entire campus seemed to be playing some kind of trick on me. The students acted as if they were completely and totally convinced that Mrs. Kerr—a perky blond woman whom I'd never seen in my life until she got on our bus at the end of the field trip—had been our pre-algebra teacher since Christmas.**

"Still weird..."Artemis said.

******Every so often I would spring a Mrs. Dodds reference on somebody, just to see if I could trip them up, but they would stare at me like I was psycho.** **It got so I almost believed them—Mrs. Dodds had never existed.**

**Almost.**

******But Grover couldn't fool me.**

"He really needs a good lying lesson..."Zeus mumbled.

**When I mentioned the name Dodds to him, he would hesitate, and then claim she didn't exist. But I knew he was lying.**

**Something was going on. Something **_**had **_**happened at the museum.**

"If the camera captured this, let's drag them and show the whole story."Hades said.

"I don't think so. Yancy students don't believe it by watching. They need to fully remember. If you show them the video and you told them this happened, they still wouldn't believe it."Percy said. Hades sighed and played with a yoyo.

******I didn't have much time to think about it during the days, but at night, visions of Mrs. Dodds with talons and leathery wings would wake me up in a cold sweat.**

Then, Percy laughed.

"What's so funny?"Poseidon asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This reminds me of a dream where Apollo was in a kiddie ride and he peed on a pony!"

Then, everybody, save for Apollo, laughed.

"That did happen, Percy."Artemis said.

More laughter and tears came out.

"One time!"Apollo protested.

******The freak weather continued, which didn't help my mood. One night, a thunderstorm blew out the windows in my dorm room. A few days later, the biggest tornado ever spotted in the Hudson Valley touched down only fifty miles from Yancy Academy. One of the current events we studied in social studies class was the unusual number of small planes that had gone down in sudden squalls in the Atlantic that year.**

Then, they turned to Zeus and Poseidon.

"We were arguing...because of a ball."Zeus confessed.

"A ball?! For crying out loud, it was just a ball!"Artemis exclaimed.

"It was a magical ball!"Poseidon whined.

"Drama queens..."Athena mumbled.

**I started feeling cranky and irritable most of the time.**

They turned to Poseidon.

"Dont look at me, I'm a Mexican."Poseidon said in a Mexican accent. Percy groaned.

******My grades slipped from Ds to Fs.**

"Perseus..."

"I improved in Goode, get on with it."Percy protested.

**I got into more fights with Nancy Bobofit and her friends. I was sent out into the hallway in almost every class.**

**Finally, when our English teacher, Mr. Nicoll, asked me for the millionth time why I was too lazy to study for spelling tests, I snapped. I called him an old sot. I wasn't even sure what it meant, but it sounded good.**

"That guys must have been drunk."Dionysius said.

A chorus of "oooh's" were heard.

"Technically, he secretly brings beer bottles to his office."

The rest looked at Percy, shocked.

"I have my own ways."

**The headmaster sent my mom a letter the following week, making it official: I would not be invited back next year to Yancy Academy.**

**_Fine,_ I told myself. _Just fine._**

"Learning hater..."Athena mumbled.

"I said I improved!"Percy exclaimed.

**I was homesick.**

Athena softened a bit.

******I wanted to be with my mom in our little apartment on the Upper East Side, even if I had to go to public school and put up with my obnoxious stepfather and his stupid poker parties.**

"Stupid Gabe, hurting my son..."Poseidon mumbled. Percy looked at his body secretly and sighed. At least he didn't write or tell about that two, humongous scars that he got when he was with Gabe.

******And yet... there were things I'd miss at Yancy. The view** **of the woods outside my dorm window, the Hudson River in the distance, the smell of pine trees. I'd miss Grover, who'd been a good friend...****even if he was a little strange.**

"It's true..."Percy said.

**I worried how he'd survive next year without me.**

**I'd miss Latin class, too—Mr. Brunner's crazy tournament days and his faith that I could do well.**

**As exam week got closer, Latin was the only test I studied for.**

"Good job..."Hermes mumbled.

******I hadn't forgotten what Mr. Brunner had told me about this subject being life-and-death for me. I wasn't sure why, but I'd started to believe him.**

******The evening before my final, I got so frustrated I threw the **_**Cambridge Guide to Greek Mythology **_**across my dorm room.**

"NO!"Athena exclaimed.

They turned to Percy.

"Don't look at me. I'm a Jamaican."Percy said in a Jamaican accent.

******I paced the room, feeling like ants were crawling around inside my shirt.**

**I remembered Mr. Brunner's serious expression, his thousand-year-old eyes. **_**I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson.**_

**I took a deep breath. I picked up the mythology book.**

"Good. That's no way to treat a book...especially about us."Athena said.

"Now look who's talking."Apollo said. Athena slapped him.

******I'd never asked a teacher for help before. **

"Maybe that's why you fail..."Poseidon said.

"But how come I got a B- in Science in both Yancy and Goode and I never asked anyone nor reviewed?"Percy asked.

"You're good..."Poseidon mumbled.

******Maybe if I talked to Mr. Brunner, he could give me some pointers. At least I could apologize for the big fat F I was about to score on his exam. I didn't want to leave Yancy Academy with him thinking I hadn't tried.**

Poseidon frowned.

**I walked downstairs to the faculty offices. Most of them were dark and empty, but Mr. Brunner's door was ajar, light from his window stretching across the hallway floor.**

**I was three steps from the door handle when I heard voices inside the office. Mr. Brunner asked a question. A voice that was definitely Grover's said,**

"_Kono omoi wo keshite shimau ni wa mada jinsei nagai desho?  
Yari nokoshiteru koto yari naoshite mitai kara..."_

"You interrupred the whole thing!"Hermes exclaimed, looking at Apollo.

"Sorry."

**__****"...** **worried about Percy, sir."**

"Huh?"Poseidon asked.

**I froze.**

**I'm not usually an eavesdropper, ****but I dare you to try not listening if you hear your best friend talking about you to an adult.**

**I inched closer.**

"Oh no, Percy's a stalker!"Dionysius exclaimed. "I'm right here, you know."Percy said, offended.

**"... alone this summer," Grover was saying. "I mean, a Kindly One in the **_**school**_**! Now that we know for sure, and **_**they **_**know too—"**

**"We would only make matters worse by rushing him," Mr. Brunner said. "We need the boy to mature more."**

"Definetly."The gods said.

"Hey!"Percy exclaimed, still offended.

******"But he may not have time. The summer solstice dead line will have to be resolved without him, Grover. Let him enjoy his ignorance while he still can."**

**"Sir, he **_**saw **_**her... ."**

**"His imagination," Mr. Brunner insisted. "The Mist over the students and staff will be enough to convince him of that."**

"Seriously?"Percy asked himself.

**"Sir, I ... I can't fail in my duties again." Grover's voice was choked with emotion. "You know what that would mean."**

"Losing his searcher's license."Percy answered.

"Good guess."Athena said.

**"You haven't failed, Grover," Mr. Brunner said kindly. "I should have seen her for what she was. Now let's just worry about keeping Percy alive until next fall—"**

"Until the next fall?! What's that suppose to mean?!"Poseidon exclaimed. "Calm down, dad. Calm down."Percy soothed.

******The mythology book dropped out of my hand and hit the floor with a thud.**

Athena's eyes widened.

**Mr. Brunner went silent.**

**My heart hammering, I picked up the book and backed down the hall.**

"That was a good thing, too. That costs 2000 dollars."Percy said.

"Seriously...?"Aphrodite asked. Percy nodded.

******A shadow slid across the lighted glass of Brunner's office door, the shadow of something much taller than my wheelchair-bound teacher, holding something that looked suspiciously like an archer's bow.**

Then, they looked at Artemis.

"Don't look at me. I'm an Australian. G'day mate!"Artemis exclaimed in an Australian accent.

**I opened the nearest door and slipped inside.**

**A few seconds later I heard a slow **_**clop-clop-clop, **_**like muffled wood blocks, then a sound like an animal snuffling right outside my door. A large, dark shape paused in front of the glass, and then moved on.**

"Omnious..."Demeter said. The rest had to agree.

**A bead of sweat trickled down my neck.**

**Somewhere in the hallway, Mr. Brunner spoke. "Nothing," he murmured. "My nerves haven't been right since the winter solstice."**

**"Mine neither," Grover said. "But I could have sworn ..."**

**"Go back to the dorm," Mr. Brunner told him. "You've got a long day of exams tomorrow."**

**"Don't remind me."**

"Poor satyr. Had to study even though he's been there for five years..."Apollo said.

Once again, Artemis had to agree with him.

**The lights went out in Mr. Brunner's office.**

**I waited in the dark for what seemed like forever.**

"That is so ADHD."Aphrodite said.

"You're telling me..."Percy said in a sarcastic tone.

**Finally, I slipped out into the hallway and made my way back up to the dorm.**

**Grover was lying on his bed, studying his Latin exam notes like he'd been there all night.**

**"Hey," he said, bleary-eyed. "You going to be ready for this test?"**

**I didn't answer.**

**"You look awful."**

"Good. You made him cry."Poseidon said in a sarcastic way.

"Six sand dollars for Grover not crying."Percy said.

"Deal!"Poseidon exclaimed.

**He frowned. "Is everything okay?"**

**"Just... tired."**

**I turned so he couldn't read my expression, ****and started getting ready for bed.**

Poseidon was shocked. Then, he gave Percy six sand dollars.

"Wow, brother. This isn't like you. What happened?"Zeus asked.

"Something..."Poseidon said.

**I didn't understand what I'd heard downstairs. I wanted to believe I'd imagined the whole thing.**

**But one thing was clear: Grover and Mr. Brunner were talking about me behind my back. They thought I was in some kind of danger.**

"Yup."Everyone said.

******The next afternoon, as I was leaving the three-hour Latin exam,**

"Three hours? School must have been a jail booth!"Ares exclaimed.

"More like a ritual tool shrine filled with weapons like detention, homeworks and bullies."Percy said.

The rest who didn't answer...rolled their eyes.

**my eyes swimming with all the Greek and Roman names I'd misspelled, Mr. Brunner called me back inside.**

**For a moment, I was worried he'd found out about my eavesdropping the night before, but that didn't seem to be the problem.**

**"Percy," he said. "Don't be discouraged about leaving Yancy. It's ... it's for the best."**

******His tone was kind, but the words still embarrassed me. Even though he was speaking quietly, the other kids finishing the test could hear. Nancy Bobofit smirked at me and made sarcastic little kissing motions with her lips.**

Aphrodite giggled. Still, the rest looked at her as if she was on a mental hospital.

**I mumbled, "Okay, sir."**

**"I mean ..." Mr. Brunner wheeled his chair back and forth, like he wasn't sure what to say. "This isn't the right place for you. It was only a matter of time."**

_Good job, Chiron. _Poseidon thought sarcastically.

"Come on dad. I didn't cry."Percy said. Poseidon was shocked.

"Mind readers, everywhere."

"Wow, Uncle Zeus is right. Are you okay?"Percy asked.

"I...had a bullfight. And I lost...and I'm...now traumatized."

Percy comforted his dad. Poseidon hugged him with one arm and Percy read on with a smile.

******My eyes stung.**

**Here was my favorite teacher, in front of the class, telling me I couldn't handle it. After saying he believed in me all year, now he was telling me I was destined to get kicked out.**

**"Right," I said, trembling.**

**"No, no," Mr. Brunner said. "Oh, confound it all. What I'm trying to say ... you're not normal, Percy. That's nothing to be—"**

"Chiron needs to work on his comforting and Grover needs to work on lying."Dionysius said. The rest just snickered.

"Thanks a lot for reminding him."Poseiodn said.

******"Thanks," I blurted. "Thanks a lot, sir, for reminding me."**

"These guys have so much in common."Athena said. Poseidon and Percy looked at Percy and stared at them awkwardly.

"Like father, like son..."The rest mumbled.

**"Percy—"**

**But I was already gone.**

**On the last day of the term, I shoved my clothes into my suitcase.**

**The other guys were joking around, talking about their vacation plans. One of them was going on a hiking trip to Switzerland. Another was cruising the Caribbean for a month.**

"Yeah...because he took my ticket!"Percy exclaimed.

******They were juvenile delinquents, like me, but they were **_**rich **_**juvenile delinquents. Their daddies were executives, or ambassadors, or celebrities. I was a nobody, from a family of nobodies.**

"We're not nobodies!"The gods and goddessess exclaimed to Percy.

"Sorry...because I didn't know my dad's side are gods and goddessess!"Percy exclaimed.

Then, they remained silent.

**They asked me what I'd be doing this summer and I told them I was going back to the city.**

**What I didn't tell them was that I'd have to get a summer job walking dogs or selling magazine subscriptions, and spend my free time worrying about where I'd go to school in the fall.**

"You had to cause trouble."Hera said. Percy sighed.

**"Oh," one of the guys said. "That's cool."**

**They went back to their conversation as if I'd never existed.**

**The only person I dreaded saying good-bye to was Grover, but as it turned out, I didn't have to. He'd booked a ticket to Manhattan on the same Greyhound as I had, ****so there we were, together again, heading into the city.**

**During the whole bus ride, Grover kept glancing nervously down the aisle, watching the other passengers. It occurred to me that he'd always acted nervous and fidgety when we left Yancy, as if he expected something bad to happen.**

"**Seeing Grover like that made me feel like he's my own babysitter."**Percy said, adding that part.

The rest looked at him.

"I forgot to put that part...and I left spaces."Percy said.

**Before, I'd always assumed he was worried about getting teased. But there was nobody to tease him on the Greyhound.**

**Finally I couldn't stand it anymore.**

**I said, "Looking for Kindly Ones?"**

**Grover nearly jumped out of his seat. "Wha—what do you mean?"**

**I confessed about eavesdropping on him and Mr. Brunner the night before the exam.**

**Grover's eye twitched. "How much **_**did **_**you hear?"**

**"Oh ... not much. What's the summer solstice dead-line?"**

"Busted."Poseidon muttered.

******He winced. "Look, Percy ... I was just worried for you, see? I mean, hallucinating about demon math teachers …"**

"Grover, you're a really, really bad liar."Poseidon pointed out.

**"Grover—"**

**"And I was telling Mr. Brunner that maybe you were overstressed or something, because there was no such person as Mrs. Dodds, and ..."**

**"Grover, you're a really, really bad liar."**

"Wow. How many has this been?"Athena asked, counting.

"Three...I guess."Poseidon said.

**His ears turned pink.**

**From his shirt pocket, he fished out a grubby business card. "Just take this, okay? In case you need me this summer.**

**The card was in fancy script, which was murder on my dyslexic eyes, but I finally made out something like:**

Percy brought out the card and showed it to everyone.

_**Grover Underwood**_

_**Keeper**_

_**Half-Blood Hill**_

_**Long Island, New York**_

_**(800)**_ _**009-0009**_

**"What's Half—"**

**"Don't say it aloud!" he yelped. "That's my, um ... summer address."**

**My heart sank. Grover had a summer home. I'd never considered that his family might be as rich as the others at Yancy.**

"That must have been loads of ink for that."Artemis said.

"You're telling me."Percy said, keeping the card.

**"Okay," I said glumly. "So, like, if I want to come visit your mansion."**

**He nodded. "Or...or if you need me."**

**"Why would I need you?"**

**It came out harsher than I meant it to.**

**Grover blushed right down to his Adam's apple. "Look, Percy, the truth is, I—I kind of have to protect you."**

**I stared at him.**

**All year long, I'd gotten in fights, keeping bullies away from him. I'd lost sleep worrying that he'd get beaten up next year without me. And here he was acting like he was the one who defended **_**me.**_

"Aw, sweet."Aphrodite said.

**"Grover," I said, "What exactly are you protecting me from?"**

**There was a huge grinding noise under our feet. Black smoke poured from the dashboard and the whole bus filled with a smell like rotten eggs.**

"Ow, gross."Ares looked like as if he's going to puke.

"Always reminded me about that quarry."Percy mumbled.

"Quarry?"Poseidon asked.

"Moving on!"Percy exclaimed.

**The driver cursed and steered the Greyhound over to the side of the highway.**

**After a few minutes clanking around in the engine compartment, the driver announced that we'd all have to get off. Grover and I filed outside with everybody else.**

**We were on a stretch of country road—no place you'd notice if you didn't break down there. On our side of the highway was nothing but maple trees and litter from passing cars. On the other side, across four lanes of asphalt shimmering with afternoon heat, was an old-fashioned fruit stand.**

**The stuff on sale looked really good: heaping boxes of blood red cherries and apples****, walnuts and apricots, jugs of cider in a claw-foot tub full of ice**_**.**_

"Is this your diary or a cookbook?"Apollo asked, his stomach rumbling.

"Both."Percy said.

Apollo almost fainted like a pretty, little girl who's seen Justin Bieber.

******There were no customers, just three old ladies sitting in rocking chairs in the shade of a maple tree, knitting the biggest pair of socks I'd ever seen**.

Poseidon began mumbling. "No, no, no, no! Not now! Please!"

"Dad, I'm right here."

Poseidon looked at Percy on his lap.

**I mean these socks were the size of sweaters, but they were clearly socks. The lady on the right knitted one of them. The lady on the left knitted the other. The lady in the middle held an enormous basket of electric-blue yarn.**

**All three women looked ancient, with pale faces wrinkled like fruit leather, silver hair tied back in white bandannas, bony arms sticking out of bleached cotton dresses.**

**The weirdest thing was, they seemed to be looking right at me.**

Poseidon screamed, looking at Percy. He threw him and Percy was knocked unconscious.

Poseidon gasped and saw his son. Unconscious.

"PERCY!"

* * *

Percy woke up, feeling so unsure.

He groaned.

"Where am I?"

"PERCY!"

Percy saw his dad, hugging him. The rest of the gods and goddessess sat near his bed.

"I'm so sorry..."Poseidon mumbled, tears on his face. Percy hugged him back.

The rest cooed.

"Does anyone know where my diary is...and where am I?"Percy asked.

"You're in the Healer's Pavilion."Poseidon said.

"Is this a secret place?"Percy asked.

Zeus nodded, giving the book to Percy.

"Thanks..."

THen, he turned ot the page where he last stopped.

**I looked over at Grover to say something about this and saw that the blood had drained from his face. His nose was twitching.**

**"Grover?" I said. "Hey, man—"**

**"Tell me they're not looking at you. They are, aren't they?"**

"They are."Everyone said.

******"Yeah. Weird, huh? You think those socks would fit me?"**

"Oh crud, no. I had to say it..."Percy moaned.

******"Not funny, Percy. Not funny at all."**

"I regret nothing!"Percy exclaimed. Poseidon put his arm down.

"Slow down, son. You're connected to an I.V."

Percy saw the I.V. next to his dad.

"So that's why it hurts."

**The old lady in the middle took out a huge pair of scissors—gold and silver, long-bladed, like shears. I heard Grover catch his breath.**

**"We're getting on the bus," he told me. "Come on."**

**"What?" I said. "It's a thousand degrees in there."**

**"Come on!'" He pried open the door and climbed inside, but I stayed back.**

**Across the road, the old ladies were still watching me. The middle one cut the yarn, and I swear I could hear that **_**snip **_**across four lanes of traffic.**

"Not a word."Percy said before Poseidon could say anything.

"Just because I saw them doesn't mean I have bad luck."Percy said.

**Her two friends balled up the electric-blue socks, leaving me wondering who they could possibly be for—Sasquatch or Godzilla.**

**At the rear of the bus, the driver wrenched a big chunk of smoking metal out of the engine compartment. The bus shuddered, and the engine roared back to life.**

**The passengers cheered.**

**"Darn right!" yelled the driver. He slapped the bus with his hat. "Everybody back on board!"**

**Once we got going, I started feeling feverish, as if I'd caught the flu.**

"That's because you did."Poseidon said. Percy was alerted.

"Didn't notice I had a flu just now."Percy said.

**Grover didn't look much better. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering.**

**"Grover?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"What are you not telling me?"**

"This is tense."Hestia said.

**He dabbed his forehead with his shirt sleeve. "Percy, what did you see back at the fruit stand?"**

**"You mean the old ladies? What is it about them, man? They're not like ... Mrs. Dodds, are they?"**

"Guess again."Ares mumbled.

**His expression was hard to read, but I got the feeling that the fruit-stand ladies were something much, much worse than Mrs. Dodds. He said, "Just tell me what you saw."**

**"The middle one took out her scissors, and she cut the yarn."**

**He closed his eyes and made a gesture with his fingers that might've been crossing himself, but it wasn't. It was something else, something almost—older.**

"What world is this...? Mortals are weird..."Hermes said.

"I'm hear, you know."Percy noted.

**"Yeah. So?" But even as I said it, I knew it was a big deal.**

**"This is not happening," Grover mumbled. He started chewing at his thumb. "I don't want this to be like the last time."**

"Thalia..."Zeus mumbled.

**"****What last time?"**

**"Always sixth grade. They never get past sixth."**

******"Grover," I said, because he was really starting to scare me. "What are you talking about?"**

"Your death."Ares said. That earned a smack from Athena, Artemis, Poseidon and Percy.

**"Let me walk you home from the bus station. Promise me."**

**This seemed like a strange request to me, but I promised he could.**

**"Is this like a superstition or something?" I asked.**

**No answer.**

**"Grover—that snipping of the yarn. Does that mean somebody is going to die?"**

**He looked at me mournfully, like he was already picking the kind of flowers I'd like best on my coffin.**

"And it's roses."Percy said.

That earned a slap from Poseidon.

"Perseus Jackson, please stop talking about your death bed."Poseidon warned.

"Understood. Who wants to read?"Percy asked.

"I volunteer."

Percy gave the diary to Zeus.

"But let's continue tomorrow. Visiting hours are almost over."Athena said.

When they left. Poseidon kissed Pery ont he forehead a goodnight.

Percy slept.

After watching him and stroking his cheeks for five minutes, Poseidon slept on Percy's arm.

**TBC...**


	3. Chapter 3

**The Misadventures of Percy's Diary**

* * *

A few weeks later, the gods, goddesses and Percy gathered around Mount Olympus to read Percy's diaries. This time, it was Zeus's turn to read.

With a sigh, Zeus began.

******Grover Unexpectedly Loses His Pants**

All the goddesses were grossed out.

_I hope he was wearing underwear..._Poseidon thought.

******Confession time: I ditched Grover as soon as we got to the bus terminal.**

Everyone (save for Percy) sniggered.

******I know, I know. It was rude. But Grover was freaking me out, looking at me like I was a dead man, muttering "Why does this always happen?" and "Why does it always have to he sixth grade?"**

**Whenever he got upset, Grover's bladder acted up, so I wasn't surprised when, as soon as we got off the bus, he made me promise to wait for him, then made a beeline for the restroom.**

**Instead of waiting, I got my suitcase, slipped outside, and caught the first taxi uptown.**

**"East One-hundred-and-fourth and First," I told the driver.**

**A word about my mother, before you meet her.**

"Still the most beautiful woman ever..."Poseidon said dreamily.

"Excuse me!"A voice echoed.

They turned to see Amphitrite and Triton, standing in front of Olympus. Poseidon let out a girly shriek.

"Oh gods, Amphitrite! What in Hades are you doing here?!"

Triton went forward. "We only came to hear Perseus' diaries."

The rest (save for Amphitrite and of course...Triton) groaned.

"Fine!"Poseidon exclaimed. Amphitrite sat next to his husband and Triton just stayed next to Hermes.

**Her name is Sally Jackson and she's the best person in the world, ****which just proves my theory that the best people have the rottenest luck.**

"'Nice guys finish last', that's what they say."Triton said.

******Her own parents died in a plane crash when she was five, and she was raised by an uncle who didn't care much about her. She wanted to be a novelist, so she spent high school working to save enough ****money**** for a college with a good creative-writing program. Then her uncle got cancer, and she had to quit school her senior year to take care of him. After he died, she was left with no money, no family, and no diploma.**

"That's what she deserves."Amphitrite said. That earned a smack from Percy and Poseidon.

Percy mumbled, "Twits."

******The only good break she ever got was meeting my dad.**

Poseidon smiled.

******I don't have any memories of him, just this sort of warm glow, maybe the barest trace of his smile. My mom doesn't like to talk about him because **_**it **_**makes her sad. She has no pictures.**

"YOU VISITED YOUR SON?!"Amphitrite exclaimed. Poseidon moved a bit away from her.

**See, they weren't married. She told me he was rich and important, and their relationship was a secret. Then one day, he set sail across the Atlantic on some important journey, and he never came back.**

**Lost at sea, my mom told me. Not dead. Lost at sea.**

"Be thankful in the least that you got a smart woman."Triton said.

"What?! You're on their side?!"Amphitrite exclaimed, shocked. "I'm just commenting."Triton noted.

******She worked odd jobs, took night classes to get her high school diploma, and raised me on her own. She never complained or got mad. Not even once. But I knew I wasn't an easy kid.**

"Demigods were never easy to handle..."Hephaestus mumbled, remembering about Leo Valdez.

******Finally, she married Gabe Ugliano, who was nice the first thirty seconds we knew him,** **then showed his true colors as a world-class jerk. When I was young, I nick named him Smelly Gabe. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. The guy reeked like moldy garlic pizza wrapped in gym shorts.**

Everyone (and I mean...everyone!) had gross looks.

"You did the right thing for naming him 'Smelly Gabe'."Poseidon said.

**Between the two of us, we made my mom's life pretty hard. The way Smelly Gabe treated her, the way he and I got along ... well, when I came home is a good example.**

**I walked into our little apartment, hoping my mom would be home from work. Instead, Smelly Gabe was in the living room, playing poker with his buddies. The television blared ESPN. Chips and beer cans were strewn all over the carpet.**

**Hardly looking up, he said around his cigar, "So, you're home."**

**"Where's my mom?"**

**"Working," he said. "You got any cash?"**.

"What kind of a dad would ask him for money?"Triton asked. Slowly, he was going to their side.

******That was it. No **_**Welcome back. Good to see you. How has your life been the last six months?**_** Gabe had put on weight. He looked like a tuskless walrus in thrift-store clothes. He had about three hairs on his head, all combed over his bald scalp, as if that made him handsome or something..**

"Tell that to the judge..."Artemis mumbled.

******He managed the Electronics Mega-Mart in Queens, but he stayed home most of the time. I don't know why he hadn't been fired long before. He just kept on collecting paychecks, spending the money on cigars that made me nauseous, and on beer, of course. Always beer. Whenever I was home, he expected me to provide his gambling funds. He called that our "guy secret." Meaning, if I told my mom, he would punch my lights out.**

Poseidon looked murderous.

"Don't woory dad. I can kidnap Gabe and lock him in a room with you."Percy said.

Poseidon smirked and laughed like a devil.

**"I don't have any cash," I told him.**

**He raised a greasy eyebrow.**

**Gabe could sniff out money like a bloodhound, which was surprising, since his own smell should've covered up everything else.**

"Is his dad a bloodhound?"Apollo asked. "More like a moneyhound..."Hermes whispered.

**"You took a taxi from the bus station," he said. "Probably paid with a twenty. Got six, seven bucks in change. Somebody expects to live under this roof, he ought to carry his own weight. Am I right, Eddie?"**

**Eddie, the super of the apartment building, looked at me with a twinge of sympathy. **

**"Come on, Gabe," he said. "The kid just got here."**

"At least some guy there is half decent."Persephone said.

**"Am I **_**right**_**?**_**" **_**Gabe repeated.**

**Eddie scowled into his bowl of pretzels. The other two guys passed gas in harmony.**

Persephone's eyes widened. "I stand corrected."

******"Fine," I said. I dug a wad of dollars out of my pocket and threw the money on the table. "I hope you lose."**

"Yeah..."Ares and Hades mumbled.

**"Your report card came, brain boy!" he shouted after me. "I wouldn't act so snooty!"**

**I slammed the door to my room, which really wasn't my room. During school months, it was Gabe's "study." He didn't study anything in there except old car magazines, but he loved shoving my stuff in the closet, leaving his muddy boots on my windowsill, and doing his best to make the place smell like his nasty cologne and cigars and stale beer.**

"EW!"Aphrodite and Hephaestus exclaimed. The rest had to agree with the couple.

**I dropped my suitcase on the bed. Home sweet home.**

**Gabe's smell was almost worse than the nightmares about Mrs. Dodds, ****or the sound of that old fruit lady's shears snipping the yarn.**

Poseidon shuddered.

**But as soon as I thought that, my legs felt weak. I remembered Grover's look of panic—how he'd made me promise I wouldn't go home without him. A sudden chill rolled through me. I felt like someone—something—was looking for me right now, maybe pounding its way up the stairs, growing long, horrible talons.**

**Then I heard my mom's voice. "Percy?"**

**She opened the bedroom door, and my fears melted.**

"Mom to the rescue..."Percy mumbled.

******My mother can make me feel good just by walking into the room.**

All the goddesses (and surprisingly Amphitrite) cooed.

******Her eyes sparkle and change colour in the light. Her smile is as warm as a quilt. She's got a few grey streaks mixed in with her long brown hair, but I never think of her as old. When she looks at me, it's like she's seeing all the good things about me, none of the bad. I've never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even me or Gabe.**

"This woman deserves to be saint."Athena said.

**"Oh, Percy." she hugged me tight. "I can't believe it. You've grown since Christmas!"**

**Her red-white-and-blue Sweet on America uniform smelled like the best things in the world: chocolate, licorie, and all the other stuff she sold at the candy shop in Grand Central.**

"Aw...not the cookbook!"

**She'd brought me a huge bag of 'free samples', the way she always did when I come home.**

**We sat together on the edge of the bed. While I attacked the blueberry sour strings, she ran her hand through my hair and demanded to know everything I hadn't put in my letters. She didn't mention anything about my getting expelled. She didn't seem to care about that. But was I okay? Was her little boy doing all right?**

Poseidon smiled.

**I told her she was smothering me, and to lay off and all that, but secretly, I was really, really glad to see her.**

**From the other room, Gabe yelled, "Hey, Sally—how about some bean dip, huh?"**

**I gritted my teeth.**

"He ruined the moment!"Apollo exclaimed. He grabbed a random table and smashed into pieces. The rest had their eyes widened. Only Artemis took a step back.

"Is his temper like this?"Athena asked.

"Trust me. It gets worse."

******My mom is the nicest lady in the world. She should've been married to a millionaire, not to some jerk like Gabe.**

"Or a god. Right uncle P?"Apollo asked. Amphitrite sneered.

**For her sake, I tried to sound upbeat about my last days at Yancy Academy. I told her I wasn't too down about the expulsion. I'd lasted almost the whole year this time. I'd made some new friends. I'd done pretty well in Latin. And honestly, the fights hadn't been as bad as the headmaster said. I liked Yancy Academy. I really did. I put such a good spin on the year, I almost convinced myself.**

**I started choking up, thinking about Grover and Mr. Brunner. Even Nancy Bobofit suddenly didn't seem so bad.**

**Until that trip to the museum ...**

**"What?" my mom asked. Her eyes tugged at my conscience, trying to pull out the secrets. "Did something scare you?"**

**"No, Mom."**

"Perseus..."Poseidon warned.

"I know! I'm sorry!"Percy cried out.

**I felt bad lying. I wanted to tell her about Mrs. Dodds and the three old ladies with the yarn, but I thought it would sound stupid.**

"Maybe your mom would understand."Hera said. Percy face-palmed.

"Why didn't I thionk of that?"

**She pursed her lips. She knew I was holding back, but she didn't push me.**

**"I have a surprise for you," she said. "We're going to the beach."**

**My eyes widened. "Montauk?"**

**"Three nights—same cabin."**

**"When?"**

**She smiled. "As soon as I get changed."**

**I couldn't believe it. My mom and I hadn't been to Montauk the last two summers, because Gabe said there wasn't enough money.**

"If you didn't waste their money and you didn't gamble, then maybe they won't end up having two miserable summers."Triton pointed out.

**Gabe appeared in the doorway and growled, "Bean dip, Sally? Didn't you hear me?"**

**I wanted to punch him, but I met my mom's eyes and I understood she was offering me a deal: be nice to Gabe for a little while. Just until she was ready to leave for Montauk. Then we would get out of here.**

**"I was on my way, honey," she told Gabe. "We were just talking about the trip."**

**Gabe's eyes got small. "The trip? You mean you were serious about that?"**

**"I knew it," I muttered. "He won't let us go."**

"Don't get your hopes too low, Percy."Athena said. Percy sighed.

******"Of course he will," my mom said evenly. "Your step father is just worried about money. That's all. Besides," she added, "Gabriel won't have to settle for bean dip. I'll make him enough seven-layer dip for the whole weekend. Guacamole. Sour cream. The works."**

Apollo's stomach grumbled. So was Dionysius'.

******Gabe softened a bit. "So this money for your trip ... it comes out of your clothes budget, right?"**

Poseidon started cussing.

**"Yes, honey," my mother said.**

**"And you won't take my car anywhere but there and back."**

**"We'll be very careful."**

**Gabe scratched his double chin. "Maybe if you hurry with that seven-layer dip ... And maybe if the kid apologizes for interrupting my poker game."**

**_Maybe if I kick you in your soft spot,_ I thought. _And make you sing soprano for a week._**

Everyone cheered, "DO IT!"

**But my mom's eyes warned me not to make him mad.**

**Why did she put up with this guy? I wanted to scream. Why did she care what he thought?**

**"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I'm really sorry I interrupted your incredibly important poker game. Please go back to it right now."**

**Gabe's eyes narrowed. His tiny brain was probably trying to detect sarcasm in my statement.**

"Curse those psychic people..."Poseidon sneered.

"I'm right here, you know!"Athena exclaimed.

**"Yeah, whatever," he decided.**

**He went back to his game.**

**"Thank you, Percy," my mom said. "Once we get to Montauk, we'll talk more about... whatever you've forgotten to tell me, okay?"**

**For a moment, I thought I saw anxiety in her eyes—the same fear I'd seen in Grover during the bus ride—as if my mom too felt an odd chill in the air.**

**But then her smile returned, and I figured I must have been mistaken. She ruffled my hair and went to make Gabe his seven-layer dip.**

**An hour later we were ready to leave.**

**Gabe took a break from his poker game long enough to watch me lug my mom's bags to the car. He kept griping and groaning about losing her cooking—and more important, his '78 Camaro—for the whole weekend.**

**"Not a scratch on this car, brain boy," he warned me as I loaded the last bag. "Not one little scratch." Like I'd be the one driving.**

**I was twelve. But that didn't matter to Gabe. If a seagull so much as pooped on his paint job, he'd find a way to blame me.**

"It would've been better if you just scratched the car..."Hermes mumbled.

******Watching him lumber back toward the apartment building, I got so mad I did something I can't explain. As Gabe reached the doorway, I made the hand gesture I'd seen Grover make on the bus, a sort of warding-off-evil gesture, a clawed hand over my heart, then a shoving movement toward Gabe. The screen door slammed shut so hard it whacked him in the butt and sent him flying up the stair case as if he'd been shot from a cannon. **

"Too powerful..."Zeus mumbled.

**Maybe it was just the wind, or some freak accident with the hinges, but I didn't stay long enough to find out.**

**I got in the Camaro and told my mom to step on it.**

**Our rental cabin was on the south shore, way out at the tip of Long Island. It was a little pastel box with faded curtains, half sunken into the dunes. There was always sand in the sheets and spiders in the cabinets,**

"EEEK! SPIDERS!"Athena exclaimed.

**and most of the time the sea was too cold to swim in.**.

**I loved the place.**

**We'd been going there since I was a baby. My mom had been going even longer. She never exactly said, but I knew why the beach was special to her. It was the place where she'd met my dad.**

_Note to self, _Amphitrite thought, _Destroy Montauk._

Poseidon and Percy smiled.

******As we got closer to Montauk, she seemed to grow younger, years of worry and work disappearing from her face. Her eyes turned the color of the sea.**

Percy tried to imagine the cold waves.

Yup, too cold.

******We got there at sunset, opened all the cabin's windows, and went through our usual cleaning routine. We walked on the beach, fed blue corn chips to the seagulls, and munched on blue jelly beans, blue saltwater taffy, and all the other free samples my mom had brought from work.**

"Lucky bast-"

"Apollo!"Artemis warned.

******I guess I should explain the blue food.**

"Blue? That's my favorite color..."Zeus pouted.

******See, Gabe had once told my mom there was no such thing. They had this fight, which seemed like a really small thing at the time. But ever since, my mom went out of her way to eat blue. She baked blue birthday cakes. She mixed blueberry smoothies. She bought blue-corn tortilla chips and brought home blue candy from the shop. This—along with keeping her maiden name, Jackson, rather than calling herself Mrs. Ugliano—was proof that she wasn't totally suckered by Gabe. She did have a rebellious streak, like me.**

"Uncle P is one, lucky guy."Apollo mumbled.

**When it got dark, we made a fire. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. Mom told me stories about when she was a kid, back before her parents died in the plane crash. She told me about the books she wanted to write someday, when she had enough money to quit the candy shop.**

**Eventually, I got up the nerve to ask about what was always on my mind whenever we came to Montauk—my father. Mom's eyes went all misty. I figured she would tell me the same things she always did, but I never got tired of hearing them.**

**"He was kind, Percy," she said. "Tall, handsome, and powerful. But gentle, too. You have his black hair, you know, and his green eyes."**

**Mom fished a blue jelly bean out of her candy bag. "I wish he could see you, Percy. He would be so proud."**

Poseidon ruffled Percy's hair.

For once, Triton didn't mind.

******I wondered how she could say that. What was so great about me? A dyslexic, hyperactive boy with a D+ report card, kicked out of school for the sixth time in six years.**

"I'd ignore that."Poseidon replied.

"Thanks."Percy muttered.

**"How old was I?" I asked. "I mean ... when he left?"**

**She watched the flames. "He was only with me for one summer, Percy. Right here at this beach. This cabin."**

**"But... he knew me as a baby."**

**"No, honey. He knew I was expecting a baby, but he never saw you. He had to leave before you were born."**

**I tried to square that with the fact that I seemed to remember ... something about my father. A warm glow. A smile.**

"That's because I visited."Poseidon said.

"But why didn't mom believe it?"Percy asked.

"Oh that...she was at work."Poseidon replied.

**I had always assumed he knew me as a baby. My mom had never said it outright, but still, I'd felt it must be true. Now, to be told that he'd never even seen me...**

**I felt angry at my father. **

Percy's eyes widened. Then, he hopped off his father's lap and stayed behind Triton for protection. Triton groaned.

**Maybe it was stupid, but I resented him for going on that ocean voyage, for not having the guts to marry my mom. He'd left us, and now we were stuck with Smelly Gabe.**

**"Are you going to send me away again?" I asked her. "To another boarding school?"**

**She pulled a marshmallow from the fire.**

**"I don't know, honey." Her voice was heavy. "I think ... I think we'll have to do something."**

**"Because you don't want me around?"**

"That's a hurtful stereotype."Hestia said.

******I regretted the words as soon as they were out. Her words reminded me of what Mr. Brunner had said—that it was best for me to leave Yancy.**

"Stupid centaur..."Dionysius mumbled.

**"Because I'm not normal," I said.**

**"You say that as if it's a bad thing, Percy. But you don't realize how important you are. I thought Yancy Academy would be far enough away. I thought you'd finally be safe."**

**"Safe from what?"**

**She met my eyes, and a flood of memories came back to me—all the weird, scary things that had ever happened to me, some of which I'd tried to forget.**

**During third grade, a man in a black trench coat had stalked me on the playground. When the teachers threatened to call the police, he went away growling, but no one believed me when I told them that under his broad-brimmed hat, the man only had one eye, right in the middle of his head.**

Everyone turned to Poseidon.

"Whoops..."Poseidon said. "Must have ordered the wrong cyclops."

******Before that—a really early memory. I was in preschool, and a teacher accidentally put me down for a nap in a cot that a snake had slithered into. My mom screamed when she came to pick me up and found me playing with a limp, scaly rope I'd somehow managed to strangle to death with my meaty toddler hands.**

"The true power of a demigod..."Zeus mumbled.

**In every single school, something creepy had happened, something unsafe, and I was forced to move.**

**I knew I should tell my mom about the old ladies at the fruit stand, and Mrs. Dodds at the art museum, about my weird hallucination that I had sliced my math teacher into dust with a sword. But I couldn't make myself tell her. I had a strange feeling the news would end our trip to Montauk, and I didn't want that.**

Percy crouched.

**"I've tried to keep you as close to me as I could," my mom said. "They told me that was a mistake. But there's only one other option, Percy—the place your father wanted to send you. And I just... I just can't stand to do it."**

**"My father wanted me to go to a special school?"**

**"Not a school," she said softly. "A summer camp."**

**My head was spinning. Why would my dad—who hadn't even stayed around long enough to see me born— talk to my mom about a summer camp? And if it was so important, why hadn't she ever mentioned it before?**

**"I'm sorry, Percy," she said, seeing the look in my eyes. "But I can't talk about it. I—I couldn't send you to that place. It might mean saying good-bye to you for good."**

**"For good? But if it's only a summer camp ..."**

**She turned toward the fire, and I knew from her expression that if I asked her any more questions she would start to cry.**

**That night I had a vivid dream.**

**It was storming on the beach, and two beautiful animals, a white horse and a golden eagle, were trying to kill each other at the edge of the surf.**

"Please don't remind of the horror movies Triton and I watched last night."Percy said.

"YOU TWO DID WHAT?!"Poseidon and Amphitrite exclaimed.

Triton took a step back. "We're in trouble, brother."

******The eagle swooped down and slashed the horse's muzzle with its huge talons. The horse reared up and kicked at the eagles wings. As they fought, the ground rumbled, and a monstrous voice chuckled somewhere beneath the earth, goading the animals to fight harder.**

"Did you guys get random animals to fight to see who won?"Percy and Triton asked.

The Big Three whistled innocently.

**I ran toward them, knowing I had to stop them from killing each other, but I was running in slow motion. I knew I would be too late. I saw the eagle dive down, its beak aimed at the horse's wide eyes, and I screamed, **_**No!**_

**I woke with a start.**

**Outside, it really was storming, the kind of storm that cracks trees and blows down houses. There was no horse or eagle on the beach, just lightning making false daylight, and twenty-foot waves pounding the dunes like artillery.**

**With the next thunderclap, my mom woke. She sat up, eyes wide, and said, **

**"Hurricane."**

**I knew that was crazy. Long Island never sees hurricanes this early in the summer. But ****the ocean seemed to have forgotten.**

**Over the roar of the wind, I heard a distant bellow, an angry, tortured sound that made my hair stand on end.**

**Then a much closer noise, like mallets in the sand. A desperate voice—someone yelling, pounding on our cabin door.**

**My mother sprang out of bed in her nightgown and threw open the lock.**

**Grover stood framed in the doorway against a backdrop of pouring rain. But he wasn't... he wasn't exactly Grover.**

"The demigod who cried satyr..."Apollo mumbled. That earned three smacks from Artemis.

"What? I think that's an interesting movie."Apollo said.

**"Searching all night," he gasped. "What were you thinking?"**

**My mother looked at me in terror—not scared of Grover, but of why he'd come.**

**"Percy," she said, shouting to be heard over the rain. "What happened at school? What didn't you tell me?"**

**I was frozen, looking at Grover. I couldn't understand what I was seeing.**

_**"O Zeu kai alloi theoi!" **_**he yelled. "It's right behind me! Didn't you **_**tell **_**her?"**

**I was too shocked to register that he'd just cursed in Ancient Greek, and I'd understood him perfectly. I was too shocked to wonder how Grover had gotten here by himself in the middle of the night. Because Grover didn't have his pants on—**

**and where his legs should be ... where his legs should be ...**

**My mom looked at me sternly and talked in a tone she'd never used before: **_**"Percy. **_**Tell me **_**now**_**!"**

**I stammered something about the old ladies at the fruit stand, and Mrs. Dodds, and my mom stared at me, her face deathly pale in the flashes of lightning.**

**She grabbed her purse, tossed me my rain jacket, and said, "Get to the car. Both of you. **_**Go**_**!**_**"**_

**Grover ran for the Camaro—but he wasn't running, exactly. He was trotting, shaking his shaggy hindquarters, and suddenly his story about a muscular disorder in his legs made sense to me. I understood how he could run so fast and still limp when he walked.**

**Because where his feet should be, there were no feet. There were cloven hooves.**

"See...a good idea for a movie. I better start writing."Apollo started taking out a piece of paper and pencil. He wrote down the beginning of the story.

Once they saw the end, they looked around. After a few seconds, they turned to Apollo. Apollo stopped writing.

"What?"Apollo asked. Zeus gave the book to him. Artemis smirked.

Apollo groaned. This will be a long day.

**TBC...**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Misadventures of Percy's Diary**

* * *

Once they saw the end, they looked around. After a few seconds, they turned to Apollo. Apollo stopped writing.

"What?"Apollo asked. Zeus gave the book to him. Artemis smirked.

Apollo groaned. This will be a long day...

* * *

**Chapter 4: My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting**

"Bullfighting? Interesting..."Ares said.

**We tore through the night along dark country roads. Wind slammed against the Camaro. Rain lashed the wind shield. I didn't know how my mom could see anything, but she kept her foot on the gas.**

**Every time there was a flash of lightning, **

All turned to Zeus.

"Did your underwear twist again, honey?"Hera asked in a motherly tone. The rest laughed. Zeus groaned.

******I looked at Grover sitting next to me in the backseat and I wondered if I'd gone insane, or if he was wearing some kind of shag-carpet pants.**

"Doesn't everyone know that people _hate _to buy it?"Triton asked. Then, he shuddered. "Even I didn't wear it today...even though mom forced me too."

******But, no, the smell was one I remembered from kindergarten field trips to the petting zoo— lanolin, like from wool. The smell of a wet barnyard animal.**

"I wish I can go to the petting zoo..."Poseidon pouted. "Dad, you won't even know what happened to Kenny the lamb."Then, Percy shuddered.

**All I could think to say was, "So, you and my mom... know each other?"**

**Grover's eyes flitted to the rearview mirror, though there were no cars behind us. "Not exactly," he said. "I mean, we've never met in person. But she knew I was watching you."**

**"Watching me?"**

**"Keeping tabs on you. Making sure you were okay. But I wasn't faking being your friend," he added hastily. "I **_**am **_**your friend."**

"Awww..."Everyone said.

**"Umm ... what **_**are **_**you, exactly?"**

**"That doesn't matter right now."**

**"It doesn't matter? From the waist down, my best friend is a donkey—"**

"Satyrs aren't donkeys!"Dionysius exclaimed.

"Hey! Not my fault! I didn't know what the heck was going on!"Percy exclaimed.

******Grover let out a sharp, throaty "**_**Blaa-ha-ha**_**!"**

"Not Harry the donkey..."

**I'd heard him make that sound before, but I'd always assumed it was a nervous laugh. Now I realized it was more of an irritated bleat.**

**"Goat!" he cried.**

**"What?"**

**"I'm a **_**goat **_**from the waist down."**

"Now I'm beginning to think that Grover's dad must be a goat..."Percy mumbled. Thank the gods no one ever heard him.

**"You just said it didn't matter."**

**"**_**Blaa-ha-ha**_**!** **There are satyrs who would trample you under hoof for such an insult!"**

**"Whoa. Wait. Satyrs. You mean like ... Mr. Brunner's myths?"**

**"Were those old ladies at the fruit stand a **_**myth, **_**Percy? Was Mrs. Dodds a myth?"**

**"So you **_**admit **_**there was a Mrs. Dodds!"**

"Well yeah, you dumb brain!"Athena exclaimed.

"Stop insulting my son, owl face!"Poseidon yelled back.

**"Of course."**

**"Then why—"**

**"The less you knew, the fewer monsters you'd attract," Grover said, like that should be perfectly obvious. "We put Mist over the humans' eyes. We hoped you'd think the Kindly One was a hallucination. But it was no good. You started to realize who you are."**

**"Who I—wait a minute, what do you mean?"**

"Your dad is a god, got your mom pregnant without even getting married and stuff..."Triton said. Poseidon groaned.

**The weird bellowing noise rose up again somewhere behind us, closer than before. Whatever was chasing us was still on our trail.**

**"Percy," my mom said, "there's too much to explain and not enough time. We have to get you to safety."**

**"Safety from what? Who's after me?"**

**"Oh, nobody much," Grover said, obviously still miffed about the donkey comment. "Just the Lord of the Dead and a few of his blood-thirstiest minions."**

Poseidon sneered at Hades.

"Aw fudge..."Hades said.

**"Grover!"**

**"Sorry, Mrs. Jackson. Could you drive faster, please?"**

**I tried to wrap my mind around what was happening, but I couldn't do it. I knew this wasn't a dream. I had no imagination. I could never dream up something this weird.**

**My mom made a hard left. We swerved onto a narrower road, racing past darkened farmhouses and wooded hills and PICK YOUR OWN STRAWBERRIES signs on white picket fences.**

In silence, they tried to cheer.

**"Where are we going?" I asked.**

**"The summer camp I told you about." My mother's voice was tight; she was trying for my sake not to be scared. "The place your father wanted to send you."**

**"The place you didn't want me to go."**

**"Please, dear," my mother begged. "This is hard enough. Try to understand. You're in danger."**

**"Because some old ladies cut yarn."**

**"Those weren't old ladies," Grover said. "Those were the Fates. Do you know what it means—the fact they appeared in front of you? They only do that when you're about to ... when someone's about to die."**

**"Whoa. You said 'you.'"**

**"No I didn't. I said 'someone.'"**

**"You meant 'you.' As in **_**me.**_**"**

**"I meant **_**you, **_**like 'someone.' Not you, **_**you.**_**"**

"I don't get it."Apollo said.

"As you always."Athena said with sarcasm.

******"Boys!" my mom said.**

**She pulled the wheel hard to the right, and I got a glimpse of a figure she'd swerved to avoid—a dark fluttering shape now lost behind us in the storm.**

**"What was that?" I asked.**

**"We're almost there," my mother said, ignoring my question.**

**"Another mile. Please. Please. Please."**

**I didn't know where **_**there **_**was, but I found myself leaning forward in the car, anticipating, wanting us to arrive.**

**Outside, nothing but rain and darkness—the kind of empty countryside you get way out on the tip of Long Island. I thought about Mrs. Dodds and the moment when she'd changed into the thing with pointed teeth and leathery wings. My limbs went numb from delayed shock. She really **_**hadn't **_**been human. She'd meant to kill me.**

Poseidon _still _sneered at Hades.

"Shoot, I'm dead..."he mumbled.

**Then I thought about Mr. Brunner ... and the sword he had thrown me. Before I could ask Grover about that, the hair rose on the back of my neck. There was a blinding flash, a jaw-rattling **_**boom!, **_**and our car exploded.**

**I remember feeling weightless, like I was being crushed, fried, and hosed down all at the same time.**

**I peeled my forehead off the back of the driver's seat and said, "Ow."**

**"Percy!" my mom shouted.**

**"I'm okay..."**

**I tried to shake off the daze. I wasn't dead. The car hadn't really exploded. We'd swerved into a ditch. Our driver's-side doors were wedged in the mud. The roof had cracked open like an eggshell and rain was pouring in.**

**Lightning.**

"ZEUS!"Poseidon roared. Zeus just whistled innocently.

**That was the only explanation. We'd been blasted right off the road. Next to me in the backseat was a big motionless lump. "Grover!"**

**He was slumped over, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. I shook his furry hip, thinking, No! Even if you are half barnyard animal, you're my best friend and I don't want you to die!**

The goddesses (save for Amphitrite) cooed.

******Then he groaned "Food," and I knew there was hope.**

Percy sniggered. "This is going to be a _long _entry with food written all over it."

Apollo's stomach rumbled.

"Dang it."

**"Percy," my mother said, "we have to ..." Her voice faltered.**

**I looked back. In a flash of lightning, through the mud-spattered rear windshield, I saw a figure lumbering toward us on the shoulder of the road. The sight of it made my skin crawl. It was a dark silhouette of a huge guy, like a football player. He seemed to be holding a blanket over his head. His top half was bulky and fuzzy. His upraised hands made it look like he had horns.**

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Water shook all around Hades. Everyone held him down. "Calm down dad. Calm down."Percy soothed. "Did you take your medicine this morning?"Triton asked. "Medicine?"Percy asked. "It's a long story..."Triton said.

**I swallowed hard. "Who is—"**

**"Percy," my mother said, deadly serious. "Get out of the car."**

**My mother threw herself against the driver's-side door. It was jammed shut in the mud. I tried mine. Stuck too. I looked up desperately at the hole in the roof. It might've been an exit, but the edges were sizzling and smoking.**

**"Climb out the passenger's side!" my mother told me. "Percy—you have to run. Do you see that big tree?"**

_**"What?"**_

**Another flash of lightning, and through the smoking hole in the roof I saw the tree she meant: a huge, White House Christmas tree-sized pine at the crest of the nearest hill.**

"Thalia..."Zeus mumbled.

**"That's the property line," my mom said. "Get over that hill and you'll see a big farmhouse down in the valley. Run and don't look back. Yell for help. Don't stop until you reach the door."**

**"Mom, you're coming too."**

Hermes wiped his tears. "So emotional..."He mumbled.

**Her face was pale, her eyes as sad as when she looked at the ocean.**

**"No!" I shouted. "You **_**are **_**coming with me. Help me carry Grover."**

**"Food!" Grover moaned, a little louder****.**

"Curse you food!"Apollo exclaimed.

**The man with the blanket on his head kept coming toward us, making his grunting, snorting noises. As he got closer, I realized he **_**couldn't **_**be holding a blanket over his head, because his hands—huge meaty hands—were swinging at his sides. There was no blanket. Meaning the bulky, fuzzy mass that was too big to be his head ... was his head. And the points that looked like horns…**

"THE MINOTAUR?!"Poseidon exclaimed. Triton injected something on his father's shoulder. His father relaxed a bit.

"I knew it..."Triton mumbled.

**"He doesn't want **_**us**_**," my mother told me. "He wants **_**you. **_**Besides, I can't cross the property line."**

**"But..."**

**"We don't have time, Percy. Go. Please."**

**I got mad, then—mad at my mother, ****at Grover the goat, ****at the thing with horns that was lumbering toward us slowly and deliberately like, like a bull.**

"Ariba!"Apollo exclaimed. Artemis smacked him.

**I climbed across Grover and pushed the door open into the rain. "We're going together. Come on, Mom."**

**"I told you—"**

**"Mom! I am not leaving you. Help me with Grover."**

**I didn't wait for her answer. I scrambled outside, dragging Grover from the car. He was surprisingly light, but I couldn't have carried him very far if my mom hadn't come to my aid.**

"Are you calling the satyrs fat?!"Dionysius exclaimed.

"What would I expect?! A goat is heavier to carry than a human. Goat plus human equals double heaviness."

******Together, we draped Grover's arms over our shoulders and started stumbling uphill through wet waist-high grass.**

"Looky here: didn't do spring cleaning, didn't you?"Triton asked.

The rest of the gods and goddesess looked at each other.

**Glancing back, I got my first clear look at the monster. He was seven feet tall, easy, his arms and legs like something from the cover of **_**Muscle Man **_**magazine—bulging biceps and triceps and a bunch of other 'ceps, all stuffed like baseballs under vein-webbed skin. He wore no clothes except under wear—** **I mean, bright white Fruit of the Looms—which would've looked funny, except that the top half of his body was so scary. Coarse brown hair started at about his belly button and got thicker as it reached his shoulders.**

**His neck was a mass of muscle and fur leading up to his enormous head, which had a snout as long as my arm, snotty nostrils with a gleaming brass ring, cruel black eyes, and horns—enormous black-and-white horns with points you just couldn't get from an electric sharpener.**

**I recognized the monster, all right. He had been in one of the first stories Mr. Brunner told us. But he couldn't be real.**

"He _is _real."

**I blinked the rain out of my eyes. "That's—"**

**"Pasiphae's son," my mother said.**

"Hey Athena! You're long lost twin has-"

Athena smacked Apollo. Hard.

**"I wish I'd known how badly they want to kill you."**

**"But he's the Min—"**

**"Don't say his name," she warned. "Names have power."**

**The pine tree was still way too far—a hundred yards uphill at least.**

**I glanced behind me again.**

**The bull-man hunched over our car, looking in the windows—or not looking, exactly. More like snuffling, nuzzling. I wasn't sure why he bothered, since we were only about fifty feet away.**

**"Food?" Grover moaned.**

Then, they saw Hermes and Apollo, fighting over a pizza. Artemis sighed and picked up the book. She can't believe she's taking over her twin's place.

**"Shhh," I told him. "Mom, what's he doing? Doesn't he see us?"**

**"His sight and hearing are terrible," she said. "He goes by smell. But he'll figure out where we are soon enough."**

**As if on cue, the bull-man bellowed in rage. He picked up Gabe's Camaro by the torn roof, the chassis creaking and groaning. He raised the car over his head and threw it down the road. It slammed into the wet asphalt and skidded in a shower of sparks for about half a mile before coming to a stop. The gas tank exploded.**

_**Not a scratch, **_

**I remembered Gabe saying.**

**Oops.**

"It deserves to explode! What's more improtant: your son or a stupid Camaro car?!"Poseidon sneered.

******"Percy," my mom said. "When he sees us, he'll charge. Wait until the last second, then jump out of the way— directly sideways. He can't change directions very well once he's charging. Do you understand?"**

Everyone looked at Poseidon.

"Maybe I've been giving her some pointers..."

**"How do you know all this?"**

**"I've been worried about an attack for a long time. I should have expected this. I was selfish, keeping you near me."**

**"Keeping me near you? But—"**

**Another bellow of rage, and the bull-man started tromping uphill.**

**He'd smelled us.**

**The pine tree was only a few more yards, but the hill was getting steeper and slicker, and Grover wasn't getting any lighter.**

**The bull-man closed in. Another few seconds and he'd be on top of us.**

**My mother must've been exhausted, but she shouldered Grover. "Go, Percy! Separate! Remember what I said."**

**I didn't want to split up, but I had the feeling she was right—it was our only chance. I sprinted to the left, turned, and saw the creature bearing down on me. His black eyes glowed with hate. He reeked like rotten meat.**

"Meatspin video..."Percy shuddered.

**He lowered his head and charged, those razor-sharp horns aimed straight at my chest.**

**The fear in my stomach made me want to bolt, but that wouldn't work. I could never outrun this thing.**

**So I held my ground, and at the last moment, I jumped to the side.**

**The bull-man stormed past like a freight train, then bellowed with frustration and turned, but not toward me this time, toward my mother, who was setting Grover down in the grass.**

**We'd reached the crest of the hill. Down the other side I could see a valley, just as my mother had said, and the lights of a farmhouse glowing yellow through the rain. But that was half a mile away. We'd never make it.**

**The bull-man grunted, pawing the ground. He kept eyeing my mother, who was now retreating slowly downhill, back toward the road, trying to lead the monster away from Grover.**

**"Run, Percy!" she told me. "I can't go any farther. Run!"**

**But I just stood there, frozen in fear, as the monster charged her. She tried to sidestep, as she'd told me to do, but the monster had learned his lesson. His hand shot out and grabbed her by the neck as she tried to get away. He lifted her as she struggled, kicking and pummeling the air.**

"SALLY!"Poseidon exclaimed. Amphitrite was crossed.

**"Mom!"**

**She caught my eyes, managed to choke out one last word: "Go!"**

**Then, with an angry roar, the monster closed his fists around my mother's neck, and she dissolved before my eyes, melting into light, a shimmering golden form, as if she were a holographic projection. A blinding flash, and she was simply ... gone.**

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Then, Poseidon started beating up Hades. It took two hours to stop the fight. But when Hades' pants loose, his underwear was decorated with pink hearts. The rest laughed so hard that they can't breathe.

Hades covered his underwear in shame.

**"No!"**

**Anger replaced my fear. Newfound strength burned in my limbs—the same rush of energy I'd gotten when Mrs. Dodds grew talons.**

**The bull-man bore down on Grover, who lay helpless in the grass. The monster hunched over, snuffling my best friend, as if he were about to lift Grover up and make him dissolve too.**

**I couldn't allow that.**

**I stripped off my red rain jacket.**

**"Hey!" I screamed, waving the jacket, running to one side of the monster. "Hey, stupid! Ground beef!"**

"I'm giving him a 2."Hermes said.

"7."Apollo answered.

"1."

Everyone looked at Hades.

"He needs a better one."

**"Raaaarrrrr!" The monster turned toward me, shaking his meaty fists.**

**I had an idea—a stupid idea, but better than no idea at all.**

"Good thing it activated..."Athena mumbled.

**I put my back to the big pine tree and waved my red jacket in front of the bull-man, thinking I'd jump out of the way at the last moment.**

**But it didn't happen like that.**

"Obvious..."Zeus muttered.

**The bull-man charged too fast, his arms out to grab me whichever way I tried to dodge.**

**Time slowed down.**

**My legs tensed. I couldn't jump sideways, so I leaped straight up, kicking off from the creature's head, using it as a springboard, turning in midair, and landing on his neck.**

Apollo sighed. "Always reminded me of 'The Enchirdion' episode and 'Another Way' episode from Adventure Time."

The rest looked at Apollo.

"What?"

**How did I do that?**

**I didn't have time to figure it out. A millisecond later, the monster's head slammed into the tree and the impact nearly knocked my teeth out.**

**The bull-man staggered around, trying to shake me. I locked my arms around his horns to keep from being thrown. Thunder and lightning were still going strong. The rain was in my eyes. The smell of rotten meat burned my nostrils.**

Hermes was about to eat a roasted steak. Then, he threw it to a cow...who attacked Hermes.

**The monster shook himself around and bucked like a rodeo bull. He should have just backed up into the tree and smashed me flat, but I was starting to realize that this thing had only one gear: forward.**

**Meanwhile, Grover started groaning in the grass. I wanted to yell at him to shut up, but the way I was getting tossed around, if I opened my mouth I'd bite my own tongue off.**

**"Food!" Grover moaned.**

**The bull-man wheeled toward him, pawed the ground again, and got ready to charge. I thought about how he had squeezed the life out of my mother, made her disappear in a flash of light,** **and rage filled me like high-octane fuel. I got both hands around one horn and I pulled backward with all my might. The monster tensed, gave a surprised grunt, then—**_**snap!**_

"Sweet!"Ares exclaimed.

**The bull-man screamed and flung me through the air. I landed flat on my back in the grass. My head smacked against a rock. When I sat up, my vision was blurry, but I had a horn in my hands, a ragged bone weapon the size of a knife.**

**The monster charged.**

**Without thinking, I rolled to one side and came up kneeling. As the monster barreled past, I drove the broken horn straight into his side, right up under his furry rib cage.**

"AWESOME!"Hermes and Apollo yelled.

******The bull-man roared in agony. He flailed, clawing at his chest, then began to disintegrate—not like my mother, in a flash of golden light, but like crumbling sand, blown away in chunks by the wind, the same way Mrs. Dodds had burst apart.**

"Sayonnara!"Apollo did a little victory dance.

**The monster was gone.**

**The rain had stopped. The storm still rumbled, but only in the distance. I smelled like livestock and my knees were shaking. My head felt like it was splitting open. I was weak and scared and trembling with grief. I'd just seen my mother vanish. I wanted to lie down and cry, but there was Grover, needing my help, so I managed to haul him up and stagger down into the valley, toward the lights of the farm house. I was crying, calling for my mother, but I held on to Grover—I wasn't going to let him go.**

"Sweet boy...taking risks for his best friend...even though his best friend is _supposed _to protect him."Demeter said.

******The last thing I remember is collapsing on a wooden porch, looking up at a ceiling fan circling above me, moths flying around a yellow light, and the stern faces of a familiar-looking bearded man and a pretty girl, her blond hair curled like a princess's.**

"Is that Annabeth?! Why are you thinking of her as Juliet?!"Athena exclaimed. Percy whistled innocently.

**They both looked down at me, and the girl said, "He's the one. He must be."**

**"Silence, Annabeth," **

"Oh gods, I'm dead..."Percy mumbled.

******The man said. "He's still conscious. Bring him inside.**

"Check please!"Artemis exclaimed. Soon, Hermes and Apollo rushed to find food.

"Did anyone order the pizza guy?"Triton asked.

"Why?"Poseidon asked.

Triton pointed the pizza guy...who was terrified.

"That would be me..."Percy said, paying him a hundred bucks. Then, the pizza guy vanished.

Soon, they ate their pizzas, smirking at the next victim: Hades.

**TBC...**


End file.
